so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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