Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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