i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
