It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
