dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my being single is dangerous.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
