you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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