I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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