Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
