wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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