We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
