booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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