Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
