ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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