I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it glows. i had to have it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
try to milk me bitch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize