Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
