K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need to stop coming to work sober
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
