she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize