Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
