its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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