writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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