I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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