turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
