Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize