Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
