well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize