I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize