so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
