It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
