No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
