Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My vagina just recognized that song.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
