we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
