Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
