Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
