This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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