ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
