Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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