no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
