No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
