I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
