hell yes lets make some ravioli
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
