More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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