I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
