she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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