Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
