oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Vodka?
Forever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
