So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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