Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
