He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
