He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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