I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
