My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize