Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
