just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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