Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Then you guys just all showered together...?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Come on in and take your pants off
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