it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
