well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
too bad you live with your parents still
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
