can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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