I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
