dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
worst night to have a conscience
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
