I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize