operation have a gay friend backfired
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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