God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
