Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I came so hard my ears popped.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
