Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Two words: blizzard sex
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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