yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
