ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
