If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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