What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
