wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
