There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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